

Gina,
Like a sunny day in winter, I met you for the first time through my computer screen. You were in my virtual book club and one of the most avid readers of 52 Friends.
Today, nearly two years later, we sit across from one another at a coffee shop to discuss ideas as we build our careers and relationships and fail to understand those who talk about travel and the weather. I’ve always liked smart women the way that men like women—naturally, our camaraderie bloomed.
I explain that when I first began writing, I felt the need to help other people make friends. You assure me that it’s usually impractical to orchestrate a standard way to meet people, all we can do is increase our surface area of luck. An acquaintance introduced you to the idea when you asked about her career path, “You can do the same things, but I was also lucky,” she says.
This concept is fascinating—by putting ourselves out there and increasing the number of times we do so, we increase our chances of being at the right place at the right time.
When you met me, I arrived late. In those minutes, a stranger could have approached you. At a networking event, you may meet someone, and that person’s sister could introduce you to your next manager, your husband, or maybe both. At least you were there, for you increased your chances of succeeding by simply being present.
We speak of how every person we build a relationship with, platonic or romantic, carries a piece of us, however small. They could have suggested a song, a book, or our favourite place to have lunch. A friend recently helped you read your birth chart, and through the deepness of that conversation, you understood parts of yourselves.
Often, we think romantic relationships or friendships are notable if they last. Yet life may have other plans. We may change jobs and lose touch with a coworker who was once our greatest confidant. We may end a romance or lose a friend and through that grief we have the lessons we’ve learned, jokes to look back on, an insightful conversation by the watercooler.
“A short relationship could take someone a year to get over but it was still significant,” you say of a university romance.
We agree that two things can be true at once. Someone can add and subtract from our lives, hurt us unknowingly out of their insecurities but also serve as our selfless helper. If we choose to be friends with this person, all we can do is accept that.
One of our theories leads to another and then over two hours later, we’ve finished talking. I’m lucky to have you as a supportive friend who champions my work and encourages me to strive for my goals. To more coffees and ideas.
Love,
Miriam
“How do you get what you want,” I ask.
“It depends on what you want. But I’ve been trying to define what I want and put it into actionable small steps that can increase my surface area of luck. The best way to do that is by doing things I’m uncomfortable with. Go to a different cafe. Meet a new friend. Be set up with someone. Apply for jobs I don’t think I’m qualified for. Be in spaces where good things can happen and rub shoulders with the right types of people and I think eventually the probability of getting what I want or something even better will happen,” says Gina.