A Year From Then

“I’d like to see an update from Amdur five years from now.”

A friend of my father’s shares a joke about his wife. He explains that women are impossible to understand but that once upon a time a man tried to understand a woman. He studied and studied her. Finally, when he completed his observational quest, she changed her mind. 

I am writing at my desk in the guest bedroom of my family’s home. A desk that I’ve worked at since as long as I’ve needed one. A question looms What are you doing next with 52 Friends? I’m asked this at least once a week. 

You see at first I thought I would create something, a project, that would allow us all to make friends. Then, I committed myself to documenting friendships. But as people tend to do, maybe women more than men, I’ve changed my mind. 

For the first time in a long time, I feel at peace. I no longer feel the need to chase someone down for a coffee date or to ruminate about friendship. A little over a year after my first Toronto Star feature I am beginning to understand all I’ve accomplished. 

My episode on Steve Paikin airs regularly. Many of you must have discovered my project through some form of Canadian media but my appearance on The Agenda, for me, stands out as monumental. It was my first time on television. I had no idea what he would ask me. I quickly learned that interviewees rarely receive their questions in advance. 

I say my age while answering a question. You’re extremely poised for 25, Steve Paikin tells me after filming. 

I’ve often mentioned, here, that I healed from a deep depression while working on 52 Friends. From an outside view, my 2023 looks to be filled with triumph but I was still repairing my emotional instability. I now watch back some of my television appearances and I’m able to appreciate my being, I look pretty, I think. 

My effort to make 52 friends was usually met with a set of questions. What sparked the project? Why 52 friends in particular? How do you make new friends? How will you maintain these friendships? 

To answer in that order. A period of loneliness and my disappointment in the stigma surrounding loneliness. The number 52 represented one friend a week but the goal was to practice reaching out to people, be vulnerable, and document friendship. I make new friends by thinking less and acting more. The last is irrelevant because I don’t plan to maintain 52 friendships, it’s unnatural. 

“I’d like to see an update from Amdur five years from now,” someone comments on an article highlighting my project, it is intended to discredit my work. It’s been a year since then and I’d like to provide an update, for now, until I can write five years from then. 

There are some friends from the 52 that I will likely never see again. Mainly because we didn’t have the time to develop a close friendship, in other cases it is geographical—frankly, it is because I am realistic. 

I’m aware that I may never see The Comedian again, friend #8. He checks up on me from time to time and me on him but he now lives an ocean away and at ten years my senior, he has his priorities aside from the laughs we shared over a few week-long period. 

I have many friends who I can reach out to for coffee or who often invite me to shows or dinner parties. This past weekend, I met Kirsten, friend #23. We chatted in person this time for the first time since twelfth grade. I enjoyed her company and our conversation but I couldn’t help but think that I’m taking away from time with her family over her weekend trip into the city. Am I self-conscious or tactful?  

I meet Mr. Shaw every few weeks for reflection and gossip-filled conversations. I admit to Kirsten, who was also his student, that sometimes I contemplate inventing a love interest just so it seems I have made progress in that area of my life but I have yet to meet someone significant. 

Many friends, meant a lot of sharing, and although I know that can be beautiful. It can also be exhausting. I too, like most people, simply desire a loving partner and a few close friends. 

I am beginning to sound gloomy and I should clarify, 52 Friends is my pride and joy. First, I do have a handful of what I’ll call frequent friendships from the project. The journey also enabled me to deepen my connection with my family and my childhood and university friends who make up my most intimate relationships. Notably, I regularly apply the lessons I learned throughout the project which allows me to live with richesse. 

I am lucky I have a space on the internet to share ideas—this newsletter. Like most writers, it is in my nature to think and to have you read my thoughts is a gift. The confidence that I used to start 52 Friends, one that left little space between thought and action is the same level of confidence I encourage others to apply when making friends. No one cares if we reach out to them, if they do, who cares? Onto the next.

For now, I’m focused on my current relationships but I’ll keep writing. Probably two longer-form pieces twice a month. 

Till next time, friend.