Episode 3: What Happens When our Emotions Go Unvalidated?

Loneliness within Cultural Dynamics

Hey Friend,

Last week I met Jessica Jessica Zhang. A Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) based out of Toronto. She specializes in supporting adults in finding their identity within their cultural dynamics. 

Before we met, she writes, “your project made me reflect on my own personal experiences of feeling a sense of loneliness culturally in my childhood.” 

Jessica explains that different social groups may experience loneliness differently. Her clients are primarily first-generation immigrants from China or the children of first-generation immigrants. She shares that emotions are not typically discussed in East Asian upbringing and in certain experiences, individuals may feel as though they are overreacting even when their emotions are valid. This may lead someone to question the validity of their own feelings and may impact how they relate in their friendships and to others around them. 

She goes on to say that perhaps the awareness of feeling lonely would not have been as noticed if someone were to be born and raised in the culture of their parents’ origin, but in migrating to a culturally different country such as North America, it’s something that one becomes aware of. 

 “How I communicate with my parents is much different than how they did with theirs. For many of my clients, it's about finding their own paths as adults in their 20s while trying to both please and respect their parents, and maintain healthy communication,” Jessica says.

“We end up feeling lonely if someone can’t validate our feelings. It can happen more often in romantic relationships that we feel like we’re going crazy if someone doesn’t understand us or can’t validate our emotions,” she says.

I then ask her why people go to therapy. One of the main reasons Jessica explains is that people want to talk about their experiences, emotions, and thoughts without bias. The session is also 100% on the client versus talking to friends who may share their own experiences and may have biases in their opinions or solutions. 

I’ve linked to Jessica Zhang’s website here to learn more about her work.  

~ Miriam