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“If you love someone, just say it. And I don’t mean just in romantic relationships, but be generous with love,” says Ami Rokach.
Dr. Rokach, or Ami, as I call him, has advised me on 52 Friends for over three years. Our friendship began when I sent him a spontaneous email in January 2023, one I threw into the digital universe, not expecting a reply.
Unsurprisingly, from then on, Ami always offered his time indulgently, showing genuine interest in my personal life, especially when it comes to relationships.
To provide a quick introduction, he’s a clinical psychologist who has been teaching at York University for the past 36 years. 28 years of his clinical career were spent at a correctional facility outside of Toronto—longer than a life sentence in his own words.
In the 1980s, after finishing his PhD, Ami tried to find research and books about loneliness, but found himself unable to, so he began writing them himself. Loneliness became his niche.
On 52 Friends, I’ve written about Ami several times. Here are my favourite contributions:
In Ami’s presence, one can sense that he cares deeply about people. He shakes hands with my videographers and asks for introductions.
As we sit in a classroom outside his office at York University, Ami explains that his goal throughout his career has been to address the stigma surrounding loneliness. “To bring loneliness out of the closet,” he says.
Loneliness, he described to me the first time we spoke, is just like hunger and fear and joy and sadness. It’s part of being human.
A pioneer in the human connection space, Ami shares that if he were a king and could enact whatever was necessary, he would teach toddlers the importance of friendship and social connection. “In school, we are taught to achieve, and achievement is fine, but we are not rewarded for telling another kid, 'Come join us in our play,’” Ami says.
He’d change our hierarchy of societal values so that we’d all understand the importance of being connected to people.
In our conversation, we discussed the loneliness stigma, knowing ourselves, taking risks, Ami’s career, and romantic relationships. Have a listen and let me know what you think.
Love,
Miriam
“People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”
―Barbra Streisand