“Surely only boring people went in for conversations consisting of questions and answers. The art of true conversation consisted in the play of minds.”
―Ved Mehta
Our friendship began at a singles event, even though Jacob is basically engaged. He’s part of the committee that organizes events at Beth Tzedec, a synagogue in Toronto, not close to my house, but one whose events for those in their 20s and 30s seem to attract nice crowds.
I asked him initially if he needed anyone to work on his engagement ring, and though he was intrigued by my offer, his loyalty lies with his family’s long-time jeweller. Regardless, in the months since this singles event, I’ve seen Jacob at dinners, and so on; his ability to maintain a meaningful conversation always impresses me—a chutzpah that allows him to approach and say what’s necessary. He did meet his girlfriend “in the wild” after all.
When I saw him just a week ago at a Shabbat dinner, someone joined our discussion and asked me what I do for fun.
“For fun, she works,” he replied before me.
His accuracy impressed me, as a new friend. Maybe it was because we got to know each other a bit better three weeks prior, when he came to my office to film for 52 Friends.
We had an hour-long chat during which Jacob made sure to get my insight. You should be happy to know, friend, that it was genuinely fun. Unfortunately, our mics weren’t working, so you can’t listen.
What I can do is share my greatest takeaways, and we did film a casual back-and-forth that’s candidly more entertaining.
In no particular order, some points to reflect on.
A win for women. Jacob finds it easier to be friends with women because we’re better communicators.
Non-verbal communication drives who we befriend. I completely agree with this point. There were some friends I made virtually during the COVID days who I didn’t click with in person, or, on the contrary, those I dismissed online and later vibed with more “in real life”. Typically, when I go to an event or somewhere I could meet someone new, I observe them before. This is probably some instinctual process that helps us connect.
On ending a 25-year friendship. Jacob had a falling out with a friend of 25 years a few years ago. Though the experience was painful, it allowed him to reflect on friendship. I’m sure many of us have been in the same boat—especially in our 20s, or do we have friendship paradigm shifts throughout our lives?
Let me know what you think.
**EDIT. Jacob proposed to his girlfriend the day before I posted my article. So he is now a fiancé.