Friend #26 - Jesse
My brother
Today, I’m halfway done this project and I’ve set the end date as September 15th. The date will be my parents’ 27th wedding anniversary and my childhood best friend's birthday.
My 26th friend is someone I’ve known for nearly my entire life. My younger brother, Jesse.
When I first conceived the idea for 52 Friends, I wasn’t thinking about the number. I was looking for a cool way to document my interactions with people. I also wanted an excuse to connect with friends from my past and motivate myself to make new friends to help with my loneliness.
I’ve come to understand that intentionality is typically the most difficult part of friendship. Even with the people we see often.
My parents sometimes remind me that when my mom was pregnant with my brother, I would go around the house saying “Baby will sleep here” or “Baby will play here.” I was only a year and a half at the time. Also a baby.
Jesse, my brother, was born on May 11, 1999, and he instantly became my best friend.
There are videos of us as children that help me remember that he always saw me as his older sister as he follows me around a playground or smiles when people remind him that we’re related.
In my fourth year of university, the cosmetics company L’Oréal was hosting a case competition. I desperately wanted to win and I knew that the only person I could win with was my brother.
We ended up being the first team in the competition’s history to make it to the national finals from two different schools. They made an exception for us after seeing our entry.
As a perk of competing, at the finals in Montreal, they gave us each a gift basket filled with things like makeup and haircare. My brother and I were both crossing the road caring our baskets and as I slipped on the ice, he put out his hand nearly falling himself to try to catch me.
On the plane ride back home, I cried. Not because we didn’t win but because I was so happy that Jesse was my brother. That I got to spend that weekend in Montreal with him and because I was so proud of the man that he was becoming.
In recent years, the two of us haven’t had as much time for one another. My brother has taken a lead with my father’s business and for the last two years, I lived between two cities.
The depression I suffered from last year distanced our relationship as well—I consider it to be the most negative side effect. I recently spoke to psychologist Ami Rokach about the association between loneliness and depression.
“First of all, some people think that it’s the same thing and it’s not,” he says. “We know that it’s not because when we’re depressed we want to withdraw and we don’t have the emotional energy to connect with people.
When we’re lonely we want the opposite, to go toward people. To be with people. So we know that these are two different things.
We can be depressed without being lonely. When we’re lonely deeply and for a long time, usually we become depressed. And we become depressed not only because of the loneliness but because of what it means to most of us which is ‘I’m not good, nobody wants me, nobody appreciates me.’ That kind of stuff.”
Personally, I found that whether it be loneliness or depression, the two damage our internal mirrors and alter our reality to think negatively of ourselves which is harmful. Throughout this project, I’ve worked on repairing that for myself.
Last Sunday, I took Jesse on a coffee date to a café that is within walking distance of our house. “How do your interviews work?” he joked.
We talked about relationships and friendships, and I realized that we need to start making more of an effort to spend time with one another otherwise we could miss stages of growth in each other’s lives.
In September of 2021, we took a trip to Iceland—just the two of us. The trip began in Reykjavik and we drove toward southern Iceland. The highlight for us both was a day trip we took to Heimaey—an island off the coast. In lieu of booking a tour, Jesse and I walked for two hours to the most Western tip of the Island which was supposed to be the best place to see puffins. There were no puffins when we arrived.
I think that is when we know someone is a great friend. When spending time with them is not about the goal but about simply the time spent together and that if we lose, we are glad to have lost with them.
“If you lose your wealth, you have lost nothing. If you lose your health, you have lost something. But if you lose your character, you have lost everything.”
―Woodrow Wilson
Iceland Highlights
