Friends #12 & 13 - Christi and Shaun
My former manager and her lover
Week 12. 52 Friends is on LinkedIn. Christi and Shaun, I’m so lucky to know you. I will be posting every Sunday moving forward. Subscribe to receive weekly updates in your inbox and share with your friends!
In May of 2022, I was dog-sitting for Christi and Shaun. I walked around their glamourous downtown Toronto condo with two dogs named Butter and Brisket tracing my every move.
Before they left for the next few days, I updated Christi on my life.“I’m so lonely,” I told her. “I think this is my Jo March in Little Women moment.”
I was 22 and a newly minted university graduate when Christi and I met at work in the restaurant industry. She was the coolest of managers—the kind that allowed me to speak openly about my dating life or about what I was eying at the Reformation sale. The kind that would take me for charcoal ice cream on a random Thursday.
I was shy and hesitant to share ideas—Christi encouraged me to open up and reminded me that I was charming. It’s also worth mentioning that she taught me how to work.
A month into my new job, our company was holding a two-day conference in Niagara Falls. The first night, we were taken to a winery and the second was a party hosted by alcohol vendors. I managed to become an unprecedented level of drunk. “I was trying to keep up with everyone,” I would say.
In late-August 2020, we started spending some time in the office again. On a lunchtime walk, Christi revealed that she had just begun talking to someone, a man who was originally from Boston, named Shaun.
“It’s been two and half years,” Christi says as I sit with her and Shaun at their dinner table.
“Do you think if the two of you had met ten years ago that you would be together?” I ask.
“No,” they both respond unanimously, explaining that Christi was a punk rock princess and Shaun changed interests weekly.
I give the two of them a summary of my tumultuous 2022 and state that it’s so unfair that one person can ruin an entire year.
“It only takes one person to ruin things and it only takes one person to fix things. That person is yourself,” Christi reminds me, and recommends that I not give up on therapy because it is a process. “But the loneliest you will ever feel is with the wrong people.”
Christi was 31 when we met. “At the time, I thought you were so old and single,” I laugh. “Now I realize that it’s completely normal.”
We remember how naive I was only three ago and that now, though still young, I know a bit more. Christi points out that I’m a perpetual soul searcher—something that I’m not sure I’m proud of.
“Look at this picture of me as a child,” I tell her.
“The look in your eyes, it’s the same,” she says.
The two of them have just come back from a wedding in Paris, a city I also recently visited, and that leads to our favourite discussion topic—food.
“Do you want to share a recipe?” I ask. “Something quick, let me get my phone.”
Tomato Garlic and Anchovy Pasta
You’ll need; a can of whole plum tomatoes (San Marino), 4-5 anchovies, 6 tablespoons of butter, crushed peppers, salt, pepper, and 4 cloves of garlic. Put that all in a baking dish and then into the oven at 375F for 40 minutes and then mix everything and serve with pasta.
“We make our own pasta with the Kitchen Aid attachment,” says Christi. “And we add wiped basil.”
“My goal is to cook more this year. It’s the best hobby,” I say.
"Bad food is made without pride, by cooks who have no pride, and no love. Bad food is made by chefs who are indifferent, or who are trying to be everything to everybody, who are trying to please everyone… Bad food is fake food… food that shows fear and lack of confidence in people's ability to discern or to make decisions about their lives."
- Anthony Bourdain
Thinking of reaching out to an old friend?
Do it! The American Psychology Association found that receiving a message from an old friend can lead to feelings of surprise and appreciation.
We’ve thought of some non-awkward ways to reconnect.
Send a quick text and ask to get coffee
Invite them to an event
Slide into their DMs
Get together with mutual friends
Share a memory