Friend #35 & 36 - Diana and Danielle

My neighbors

Diana and Danielle have been my neighbors for over ten years but our friendship, in many ways, goes back decades. My dad and Diana went to high school together—coincidentally, we live on the same street, and my brother, Jesse, and Danielle were in the same grade as students. 

The three of us met for a walk right before I left on my trip and typical to many of my conversations, we began by chatting about the difficulty of making new friends as adults. 

“My mom always had a lot of friends,” says Diana. “She’s very open-minded when meeting new people and regularly checks in on her friends, so even now as she’s gotten older, she still has many friends.” 

Danielle explains that she’d like to meet new people but doesn’t even know where to start. Where to go. Who to invite. How to cultivate. 

Oftentimes, I feel that the only way to always have a friend around is to find a romantic partner but as I’ve worked on this project, I’ve discovered that can be an oversimplification. Friends allow us to explore different interests, new ideas and prevent us from relying on one person to give us everything. 

Another obstacle is work. Diana works long hours and admits that she often needs people to openly ask her for what they need. “Help me help you,” she says.

We dive into the topic of social etiquette. Frankly, I’m straightforward when making plans because I’m a planner. It annoys me when I invite someone to something and they respond with an, “I’ll let you know,” and then most of the time never do. Give me a yes or no or rather a weak acceptance is a refusal.

“People are less respectful because there is no public shaming,” Diana says. 

An idea that has backing. The word loneliness rarely appeared in the English language before 1800 likely because of how we lived. There were fewer opportunities to be physically lonely. If we lived in a village and behaved rudely, it would then be known by everyone. Similarly, if I asked a neighbor for help, he would know that I would one day probably return the favor even if it was five years into the future because people lived their entire lives in the same area. Families were friends with each other generation after generation. 

On my recent trip to France, I noticed that despite having a reputation for being sour, the French are delightfully polite. They start every interaction with a greeting and wish each other a pleasant day or evening—even among strangers. 

It’s something that I’ve been thinking about—have we become rude? 

Perhaps it is due to the casualness of our text conversations or the busyness of our lives but unknowingly we’re cheapening our everyday interactions—to a point where being friendly or kind could be strange. This a frightening thought when I think about our progression as people. A reminder to slow down and ask someone how they’re doing.

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"Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree."

―Marian Wright Edelman

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Internet Browsing

• What Jane Austen Taught Me About Male Loneliness

• As their 40-year ‘friendversary’ approaches, a look back to that day at camp where it all began